To Be or Knot to Be

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.
Marcel Proust

 

I love my friends at the Senior Center.  They make me laugh every day.

I didn’t have a microphone available to do the lunch announcements at the Madison Senior Center  today so I walked into the middle of all the tables rather than standing at the front of the room and started “talking big,” projecting my voice to be heard over the jangle of the conversations going on at the individual tables, trying to get everyone’s attention.  Every day starts with an orientation to place and time–important stuff for a lot of Senior Citizens.

Sometimes the lady who writes these announcements throws me a curve ball and gets either the day of the week or the day of the month wrong and someone in the crowd cries out the correct information to correct me.  That used to embarrass me but I’ve learned to laugh about it and will often ask in an aside if we are all on the same page on the same day.

I was going to do that today just because I was feeling silly and wanted to give the room some extra time to settle down and listen up.  I looked up to see the three people I eat lunch with on a regular basis unfurling banners that proclaimed

and totally cracked up. I started blushing when the room erupted in applause. To Mark, Eugene and Barb and everyone else, thanks for making today special.  Barb D, you instigator you, payback is merciless and painful, you know.  Just remember that I kept your birthday a big secret.

Unfortunately I got so flustered I forgot a vital part of the set-up and  flubbed the lame joke of the day. It really, really was lame.  Pity that.  It’s actually a good joke.  So I’ll tell it here.

A string was thirsty one day and decided it wanted a beer so it walked into a bar and ordered a draft.  The bartender looks at the string and sneered “Get outta here, we don’t serve your kind!”  So the string left, feeling hurt and dejected.

However, the string was still thirsty and it still wanted a beer so (this is the part I forgot)  it ties itself in a knot, messes up its hair and goes back into the bar and orders a beer again.  The bartender looks at him with pure disdain and asks “Aren’t you the string I just threw out?  I told you we don’t serve strings!”

The string draws himself up indignantly and says, “No, I’m a frayed knot.”

Bada bump…

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My Gig as a Stand-up Comedienne

Were it not for my little jokes, I could not bear the burdens of this office.

– Abraham Lincoln

I’ve always wanted to do stand-up comedy so last summer I added a “Lame Joke of the Day” feature to the lunch announcements at the Madison Senior Center.  They laughed.  At last, I had an audience! I was hooked.  I really look forward to telling the lame jokes of the day

I really do try to find lame jokes.  Real groaners.  But funny ones.  I started out calling them the bad joke of the day but  one of the  little old ladies nagged me until I changed it to lame because my jokes aren’t bad.  Whatever…  I guess she doesn’t get irony.

Now I have hecklers in the audience.  And people playing jokes on me while I’m doing the announcements.  Every day I ask if anyone is having a birthday.  If someone does then we all sing Happy Birthday.  Lame, right?  Well, most people won’t admit to having a birthday and I started making  comments like I couldn’t believe no one in the audience was getting any older.  One day the smarty pants people who sit at my table ALL raised their hand at the same time and cracked me up.  I love the peeps who sit at my table.

You know what’s funny and totally awesome?  I’m going to turn 60 this year but in my mind, I’m volunteering to help out the elderly.  Me?  I’m not old at all.  I’m having the time of my life.

I agree with Abe Lincoln.  Laughing with friends and even enemies (yeah, I have a few of those) about the absurdity of living eases the burdens of life and keeps you young.  Find a friend (or an enemy) to share a laugh with today.   Here’s a joke to tell them:

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

Between you and I, something smells around here.

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