Archive for the ‘Fabric’ Category

In addition to my other numerous acquaintances, I have one more intimate confidant. My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known — no wonder, then, that I return the love.

Soren Kierkegaard (1813 – 1855)

I’ve been absent from this blog for quite awhile due to a variety of reasons/excuses. Amongst other things it was my PC going kerplunk again. One day shortly after Thanksgiving, I logged on and there was no internet connection log on and no way to create a new one without totally reinstalling the operating system.

Just in time to prevent me from placing my Christmas orders. sigh… It was obvious “the Gremlins” were back. Past experience with a situation such as this meant that even a re-installation wouldn’t even solve the problem so I didn’t even bother trying.

But never mind, the Senior Center has Internet Access and since I already knew what I wanted, it didn’t take long to get my order placed and paid for. neener, neener, neener! :^*~~~~ OK, that was childish but it felt good. ;^} Finding ways to work around the Gremlins gives me great pleasure. It’s like playing a game with naughty children.

Then one day I was bored so I decided to reload the operating system and see what happened. It worked. The PC is slow and weird things keep happening. I have to disconnect the internet connection every once in awhile because it just seems to get so clogged down I can’t use it and it just doesn’t function as well as it did before but at least I can get online and read at the the forums. Posting is iffy.

In the meanwhile I started sewing or crocheting while I was watching movies. (I love NetFlix!) More about that later) I made myself a dress and have a matching hat almost done. It’s sleeveless so I’ll needs something to wear over the top of it. The dress has a white background with red and purple flowers, green leaves and mustard butterflies with black accents so I have a lot of colors to choose from. Very retro 60s.

It’s long-below mid calf and an A-Line. It could be uses as a jumper with a blouse underneath and I might consider belting it with black if I wear a black shirt under it. I want to make to make a shrug jacket to wear with it since it’s sleeveless and there is no way I will wear a sleeveless dress even in the warmest weather since I’ll freeze or get a sunburn. I have some red knit and some lightweight mustard wool that matches. I’d love to get some purple. It would make for a very versatile outfit.

Then I started working on a flannel shirt and my sewing machine started acting up. The tension was all screwed up and for the life of me I could not get it fixed. Oh great… It turned out that the bobbin case had been unseated and the timing was off. Simple to fix if you know anything about sewing machines but how in hell did THAT happen? “The Gremlins” again? I don’t know but… Now I have to lock my machine up in the bedroom which is a PITA. <big heavy sigh…>

Then my TV remote disappeared. I’ve scoured the house for it. Turned everything upside down looking for it. There’s just me here to use it and I only sit in one chair when I watch TV. The remote usually gets put on the coffee table or maybe the TV. It’s just gone.

Then my DVD player went kerplunk—or so I thought. It’s an old DVD player handed down from my son-in-law to my son and now to me and half the functions don’t work so it didn’t surprise me it quit working. The problem was that there was a DVD from NetFlix stuck in there. So I had my son take a look at it to see if he could figure out a way to get it out when he came over to take me to get a new one. Lo and behold, the electrical cord in the back had been pulled partway out. I hadn’t moved the damn thing…

There’s more but I won’t bore you with it. Suffice it to say that it’s very tiresome and well, depressing. Things seemed to ramp up when I got Igor. Whenever I leave to take him for a walk, I wonder what will happen next. I worry when I leave him and Patches alone that someone will come in and try to hurt them.

Or maybe it’s been since I filed the restraining order against the suitor who wouldn’t take no for an answer. He hadn’t been on my list of suspects until that incident and the note but I’m still not sure he’s the one who wrote it. He said he didn’t but I wouldn’t cop to doing that either if I was him. Still, I don’t think he has the computer expertise to pull off what is happening with the PCs in this building.

Two more people have told me that they have viruses or trojans that they can’t get rid of with their regular anti-virus software. Damn but that sucks. It happens all too often in this building.

I’m depressed because somehow they managed to get past the $100.00 lock that was guaranteed to be pick proof. It wasn’t guaranteed to be pick pocket proof which is what I think happened. One day I took Igor out and when I came back I couldn’t find my keys. I retraced my steps but they were nowhere to be found so I came up to see if they were in the door just in case I had been foolish enough to do that.

I think my pocket got picked in the elevator but I’m not sure who did it. When I get another lock for this door I’ll have to wear the key around my neck like a precious jewel. <sheesh>

I found them in the lock on the bedroom door. That is not something I would EVER do, I unlock that lock, take off the hasp and relock the lock on the loop so that I have to have the keys in my hand to relock it. That’s to prevent me from locking the keys in the bedroom. But still I could have left them in the door and that pisses me off. I’m angry at myself because I wasn’t careful. If I had stopped to put on a pair of jeans so I could stick them in my jeans pocket rather than running around with them loose in my jacket pocket well… Jesus this sucks

If you are familiar with the movie Gaslight you might have some understanding of what has been happening to me for the past 4 years. FOUR years. I don’t exactly understand why although I have my suspicions. I’ve tried to catch them but everything I’ve tried, including hiding small cameras has failed. I’ve complained to the management and the police and even though they believe that there is something going on, they say there is nothing they can do until I have actually seen someone in my apartment. It’s so frustrating…

Sometimes I feel like a prisoner of war because this never lets up and I want to stay in the house to protect the things I have. And sometimes I get into that mindset and become very isolated. One of the reasons I got Igor was to force myself out of the house. I refuse to sit here paralyzed by fear that some poor sick sociopath is going to invade my space and mess with my stuff, I have to remind myself: IT’S JUST STUFF! ALL OF IT!

Sure there are memories attached to some of the things they have taken–my grandson’s pictures. But you know what? They can’t steal the memories I have of him at those ages. IT’S JUST STUFF! If it makes you feel important to take it, please, help yourself. IT’s JUST STUFF!

People who place so much priority on stuff that they’ll lose their perspective when it gets destroyed or stolen have fucked up priorities in my opinion. STUFF can be replaced or like the rose that got destroyed tonight. Big deal. It was a pretty rose. But I was just thinking the other day that it was getting old and scruffy looking. Time to toss that nasty old thing.

I haven’t given up and even though I get a little depressed sometimes—especially around Christmas which is always a hard time for me anyway. They are not going to win this war. Sometimes it’s hard to sort out how much of the depression belongs to the stress from dealing with “the Gremlins” and how much is just old shit. Sometimes “the Gremlins” trigger old shit.

I found a card at the Community Pharmacy that says “Your Mind Is Burglar-Proof.” I put it up on my bulletin board to remind myself that NO ONE can control how I think, feel, or react. “The Gremlins” whoever they are are probably just sick twisted people who need to do stupid shitty things to people in order to feel like THEY matter and have meaning. What a pity. If truth be known I feel sad for them. What horrible things happened to them that they feel like they need to do things like this to get even in life?

Still, I get depressed when I think I have managed to repel their invasion into my life and once again they foil all of my efforts. I feel helpless sometimes and then the depression takes over. Depression has been something of a fixture in my life. I can’t remember a time when I haven’t been at least a little depressed. Sometimes I retreat into it, that familiar dark place where I let life happen while I watch. Sometimes I trun away into the darkness and refuse to watch. I turn into the darkness and wait, hoping for an end to the pain–death or the light that eventually comes if I wait long enough for the pills to do their thing.

In general, any depression associated with the Gremlins is short-lived because I remember that that MY MIND IS BURGLAR-PROOF and what they are doing is mostly just irritating. Like mosquitoe or fly that keeps buzzing around your ear and won’t go away no matter how much you flap at it. If you ignore it it gets bored and goes off to find someone else to bug eventually.






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Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.

Scott Adams (1957 – ), ‘The Dilbert Principle’

Last night or I should say very early this morning I finished sewing up that tie dyed butterfly bock print maerial I just had to have from Hancock Fabrics out at Westgate Mall. I’m pleased with the way it turned out but it turnned out to be a much more complicated project than I ever envsioned and took about ten times as long as it should have.

First of all I choes the most complicted patterns for the tunic and skirt I could possible have chosen. Why? I’ll be damned if I know. They just looked so “kewl” when I was looking at the patterns an I got grandiose and decided I could deal with that. And I could but it was a struggle and it wasn’t all that enjoyable. The skirt alone has eight pieces and I’m not talking about gores, I’m talking about pieces that make interesting flattering asymmetrical lines that go together like a jigsaw puzzle. The tunic is nearly as riidiculous. Note too self: try to use some sanity when you choose patterns.

Another huge probelm was that the fabric shrank when I washed it. Thank goodness I didn’t skip that step because it would have been a dissastor iif I had. When I went to cut the pattern out I didn’t have enough material for the entire outfit. So I had to punt and “rob Peter to pay Paul.” Luckly I had some royal blue that went with the tie dyed fabric nicely. The project it was meant for will simply have to wait or better yet, I’ll punt again.

At any rate, once I got all these peieces of fabric cut out, seing them togethr seemed like a daunting task, I kep hearing Mrs Gardner and my Mother telling me my seams weren’t straight enough or precisely 5/8 of an inch from the edge of the fabric and that that point where the two different colors of fabric met wasn’t crips enough. It really took awhile to tell them to STFU and go sew their own stuff perfectly. I am an adult and if I can live with my perfections it’s none of theri damn business.

My gawd, I’m 54 years old and this shit is still playing out in my head, paralyizing me. I really need to get over it already. Eventually I do because I did get this project done but lord gawd the fear of screwing it up was intense for awhile.

Now see, I don’t have that fear when I do things that are typiclally thought of as guy typpe things. I’ll pund hole in the wall and hang shelves with abandon. When I drove, I changed my oil and tires by myself and kept track of transmission fluid and water levels with no problem and complete self-confidence that I was perfectly capable of doing these things by myself. No agita as my new freind MomtoGoats (Mindy) at the Delphi Forum Poll Vault would put it.

Agita is my new vocabulary word for the week. It’s italian aand means acid indigestion. I love it!

Now that I’ve gotten it done, I’m pleased with it and I think I’ve done a creditble job. Not quite up to Mr’s Garner or my Mother’s standards but certainly good enough. I’m happy with the finnished product znd that’s what counts most here.

I’m planning to wear my new outfit to tonight’s Rythm & Booms! show down at the Memorial Union. You couldn’t pay me me to go to Warner Park where the close up and persoal fireworks display is. Supposedly Rythm &Booms is the biggest fireworks disply in the midwest and it draws huge crowds. Even at plaes like the Union which is across th lake from Warner Park. I took the kids there when Madiso first started biling itself as the biggest and the best back in th 80s and even back then the traffiic mess trying to get home was such a hassle we decided to stick with the small town displays. If we planned carefuly we could see three different sets of fireworks.

My son is coming over today to help me put up a shelf in the closet and move my computer desk into the bedoom. Soon in fact.


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Saturday I went to a “garage sale” on the 13th floor and scored a pole lamp which I’d been wanting for by my PC desk. It’s perfect. Exactly what I would have picked out! I also got a bunch of wall shelves and some of those expandable “cup” holders to hang my hats on.Sooo Sunday was supposed to be sewing day. I decided I would hang the shelves I got for the sewing area up. Now I consider myself pretty handy with a hammer and screwdriver and other assorted tools but I started around 8am and finally quit in frustration at 11:38 on these damn shelves. I could not figure out how to get the damn brackets in the hardware that goes on the wall. I managed to get one shelf up but I used brackets from an entirely different shelving unit. aaargh!

I like to sew but I don’t do enough of it and I think that is because I don’t like the mess it makes when you have to cut out the pattern. The whole house gets torn apart when you are cutting out patterns–especially in a small apartment. So I decided that I would go ahead and cut out all the projects I want to make up the fabric I have on hand for so that when the urge to sew hits in one fell swoop, I can just pull a project out of the box and go to work. Easy Peasy.

That way I might stop hoarding all this fabric and actually make something out of it instead of pulling it out of the box two or three times a yeat and carressing it and saying that sure is pretty–I think I’ll make a dress out of that piece or whatever.

I did just that last night or rather I started to. I cut out the backing for the Xmas tree skirt & ornaments for Kerryn and made up my own pattern for an 8 gored skirt from a formula I found on the internet and decided I’d make a dolman sleeve jacket to go with it. Made some decisions about some other projects I want to do and will be cutting out a flannel big shirt tonight and test washing fabric for some hats. Oh yeah, I’m going to cut out that dress too. Two dresses as a matter of fact. :^)

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