Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

I’m dating a woman now who, evidently, is unaware of it.

Gary Shandling

I got the most absurd call last night or the night before last. It was from this guy who gave me a ride home from a couple of the meetings at the Quit Smoking Clinic over on Monroe. He was nice enough but the meetings just made me want to come home and buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke my brains out. Really.

Sitting around with a bunch of people who weren’t doing as well as I was because they weren’t taking this new medication Chantix was crazy making for me. They were all talking about how much they craved cigarettes and what they were doing to overcome their cravings and I’d go home and have hours of false labor pains craving cigarettes. Eff that shit. I quit going.

So this Dave guy calls me last night. I recognized his voice right away and even put a face to his name but I couldn’t remember when and where I had met him or what his last name was. We talked for a few minutes and I easily realized where I knew him from when he started talking about “meetings” but he finally admitted he didn’t know who in hell I was so I helped joggle his memory.

Seems he was calling my number because it was in his telephone and he had been trying for months to put a face to my name. Well that was OK. I can see why he might do that.

But then he said “Yeah, I thought you were cute. Maybe we should meet up at one of these meetings and go have coffee later. UGH.

‘ I thought ‘Man on the Make. Desperate man in heat, no less. No thank you, goodbye.’

I think I was kind of blunt and not all that tactful. I told him I really wasn’t interested, thank you anyway and I didn’t really have time to talk because I was expecting a phone call. I guess I am just not interested in men at all right now, thank you.



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Yesterday was ummm… interesting. I have an admirer who won’t take no for an answer. went bonkers all over me about something that happened months ago. I knew he was still angry about it because I had caught him glaring at me on many occasions. Said admirer does not take kindly to assertive women who are assertive when it comes to saying no to him which most women do because he is so socially awkward and it is rumored that he may have been involved in a date rape. I’m not sure I believe that although after this incident, I am coming to doubt my doubts.

I said yes on two occasions. Then I said I was busy for x amount of time but he would not accept that and was very angry when I said you don’t respect boundaries and I don’t want to go out with you anymore. I could be flattered by that in an icky sort of way but he doesn’t take no for an answer from anyone who wears a skirt on occasion. He scared the bejesus out of me. There were many witnesses and they are concerned for my safety. I’ve been advised that I can get free a restraining order against him based on what I told the Rape Crisis Center.

At this point I’m going to hope that the talk the manager and the people at the senior center had with him will be effective and not take that action but if he does not leave me alone. If he even so much-as breathes on me, I am going for it.  My PTSD has kicked into full speed ahead. <grimace>


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They say that breaking up is hard to do
Now I know, I know that it’s true
Don’t say that this is the end
Instead of breaking up I wish that we were making up again

Neil Sedaka Breaking Up  by The Carpenters

It seems like the events of my life are punctuated by the songs that run through my head when I think about writing about what is happening in my life. Or maybe I just read too much Stephen King.

He’s my favorite pulp fiction author and that’s a favorite device of his.  It get’s the damn song stuck in my head for a chapter, too.  I’m evil because  I hope I get songs stuck in your head when you read my Blog.   May the gods forgive me, because no one who is an intellectual ever will, I think the man has a touch of mad genius.

He’s also very rich, Stephen King is. Sylvia Plath who was also touched by madness and genius is dead. Very dead.  The intellectuals love her.  I’m still alive.  I think I will just go right on emulating old Steve.

I haven’t written in awhile. I don’t write when I’m blue/depressed. I brood. I think a lot about what happened and why it happened and whether it turned out the way I wanted it to turn out and if I did what I really wanted to do and if maybe I had done this  would it have turned out differently/better. In other words, I obsess.

I have been involved off and on with a man, Larry, for nearly 3 1/2 years. He’s 15 years younger than I am and only 3 years older than my son so it’s been kind of a stretch for both of us in many respects. But it has worked on many levels and we do have a great deal in common that has made the relationship pleasurable for both of us at least part of the time. On and off.

I think it worked much better for Larry than it did for me. I’m not sure why. I mean, I was the one who had the big status coup going on. I was the 50 year old woman dating a 35 year old man who is incredibly good looking, intelligent, educated and really a very nice guy in many respects. He’s got his quirks but they aren’t unforgivable, really.

Unfortunately, there have been outside pressures and internal stresses that I really don’t want to go into here that have convinced me that I can’t deal with the intensity of a relationship with Larry anymore. We broke up because of them nearly two years ago. It may not even BE Larry and what was going on, I’m not sure I can deal with a relationship with anyone, anymore really. I don’t think I want to.

Then I ran into him about 9 months ago and foolishly thought we could be friends because in some ways I did miss him. I just didn’t miss the constancy of him. The every dayness of having someone/anyone in my life.  Does that make sense?

I thought maybe we could meet for coffee occasionally and talk about politics or current events. Maybe we could go to some local ballgames together and just hang out together once in awhile. I know Larry has a hard time socializing with other people and frankly, sometimes, so do I. It’s not easy being a mentally ill atheist intellect in this city.

He was eager to get together but he wanted the whole monty. A full blown relationship. Oh geeze. Well maybe. Maybe . Maybe we could sort all that messy crap out because he said he was making some significant changes that might make it all work out. OK, I’d agree to work towards that. Months pass and suddenly he wasn’t making those changes after all.

Then I knew, it would NEVER work between us. NEVER He had done this before and he would continue to do it. He’d promise to make changes to get what he wanted and then when he had what he wanted, he’d renege. I’d been down this road before with my husband.  The promise her anything to get it back on track and then switch tracks once the train was moving.  In other words, bait and switch.

So OK, I told him there was no way a relationship was going to work and I told him WHY but for some crazy ass reason, I thought I could remain friends with this guy. For the next six months to eight months it was one freaking game after another with him. I’d get peeved, tell him off and back off for awhile and then we’d meet for coffee and start the whole process over again.

In the meanwhile, I’ve got real shit going on in my life that is much more important, in my mind, to deal with than the baloney Larry is pulling on me so I’m not talking about what’s going on between Larry and I to our mutual shrink and I’ll bet anything that little skunk has painted a very unbecoming picture of me for David. The funny thing is that until the very end, the crap that Larry was pulling was really just a minor irritation. Sort of jesus christ on a pogo stick kid are you acting out again? Go stand in the corner. I have to deal with this fucking monster tarantula that’s crawling out of the bathroom sink drain pipe and the overflowing toilet full of shit. Get the fuck out of my way,  will ya?  And quit that damn whining.

But the “friends with benefits” bullshit was the last straw. Without going into detail (and I’m sure you can all fill in the blanks with that one little phrase) he once again tried to manipulate himself into a power position in my life. So I decided to show him that NO means NO or when you say you are going to make changes to make a relationship work you damn well better be willing to follow through with what you promise to do. He didn’t and I ended it. Completely.

No more friendship, no more anything. He wasn’t expecting that. He was honestly shocked. Economics of human relationships, baby. The costs outweigh the benefits of maintaining a relationship/friendship with you. In other words, you are just too damn much work. Asta la Vista.

Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that. Maybe it was cruel to have been so blunt and honest. Especially after I told him to go find somebody else.  He said that tht was really going to help his ego in THAT process. <urgh>

It’s his own damn fault though. He asked me why. Why are people/men in particular always so offended when you tell them the truth to a question they asked you in the first damn place?  If you don’t want the damn truth don’t ask the question. d’oh.  Especially if you already KNOW the answer.


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