Costume, Make-up, And Footlights!

Working in the theater has a lot in common with unemployment.

Arthur Gingold
Friday I went shopping for a strapless brassiere. (Don’t you just want to pronounce that word “brass-ee-error” I love to write it out just so I can think “brass-ee-error.” OK, yeah, I’m weird. You better go find another blog to read.) OK, so I hate brassieres in the first place because I’ve never found one that REALLY fit (and yes I’ve gone through the torture of being fitted by professionals) but strapless ones are a special kind of torture. So why in hell am I BUYING one on purpose?

Because dear friends and neighbors, I am going to be in a one act play my costume is an off the shoulder evening gown that I really like everything about except that it’s OFF-THE-SHOULDER and could I please lose 25 pounds by next Friday? This gown is SOOOO not me. I’m all blue jeans and tie dye. It’s all satin and lace and crinoline foofoo-ishness but it’s the most gorgeous copper brown. A color I know I look drop dead gorgeous in.

Actually the script (by Gail Sterkel) is so not me. But because it isn’t me I think I will be able to camp it up the way they want us to without any problems. If only I don’t freeze and forget my lines! ACK! I just can’t seem to get the last page’s cues into my head. Once I know which line I’m supposed to be on, then I’m cool but damn, the cues just don’t click for me. It’s getting better. I’ve typed the last two pages out three times so I’ve almost got that whole part of the script memorized. Now if I won’t move my lips while other people say their lines. <heh>

I also bought make-up for the first time in at least ten years. I hope I remember how to use it. That stuff is expensive. Now I am going to have to find more excuses for wearing it. hmmmm… NOT. Maybe I will find someone who isn’t too picky about used make-up who will take it off my hands. The lipstick and powder I will use but that foundation crap no way.

I’m really starting to get excited. Only five days from today and I’ll be standing behind the footlights glammed up living a dream I’ve had for years! I missed rehearsal on Thursday because I was so sick with a 24 hour virus and I of all people needed that rehearsal. This week I will be hiding out from the germ-o-crats in this building who don’t have enough sense to stay home when they are sick even more than usual. Maybe I will do what I saw one girl doing and wear a face mask–I could make my own. I’m not sure whether she was trying to protect us or herself. Maybe that is being a little too paranoid but when you have an autoimmune disorder and get sick at the drop of a hat well…is there such a thing as too paranoid?

We are meeting at 5:45 at Meriter’s Maingate for a pre-rehearsal before the big all cast rehearsal. I’m going to make a trip over to the store and get some 3X5 cards and write my cues and lines on them to take along. Maybe since this skit is about a show within the show, I could even get away with having them on the “make-up table.” I’d feel safer. Maybe Pam and Wendy would feel safer too! <heh>

B

The Antique Road Show–Coming to a Theater near YOU!

I’m in rehearsal for variety show The Fabulous Crone Show 2008: Supercrones. My skit is called The Antique Roadshow. It’s going to be fun.

 

I tried out for this on a lark. It was on my short list of things to do before I die—try out for a part in community theater. Not GET a part, just try out for it. <heh>  But you just KNOW I had to try out for a CRONE Show!  

 

I feel so honored to have been chosen to be part of this. I always wanted to act and here I am acting! Cool Beans!  I don’t have a clue about acting and there I am on stage with people who have been in the biz 27 years or more. YIKES!

 

They’re very kind about helping me improve but did you know that you aren’t actually supposed to talk to the people on stage? You pick someone in the back rows of the audience and talk to them. Rarely do you actually turn your body towards the person you are supposedly interacting with. Right now I am talking to a water fountain.

 

Here’s the information we were given regarding the show to pass on to friends and families.

 

The Fabulous Crone Show 2008: Supercrones!

The Crones are back – shorter, sweeter and just as much fun. Those brilliant, comical, thoughtful women who performed to sold-out audiences will present new acts for the new year. The Fabulous Crone Show 2008: Supercrones! is a variety show of women performers older than 50 directed by Jan Levine Thal and produced by Wendy Fern Hutton with a cast of 30.

Performances are Thursday-Sunday, Jan 31- Feb 3, 2008. — FOUR PERFORMANCES ONLY

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at 7:30, Meriter Main Gate, 333 W. Main (free parking across the street).

Sunday matinée, 2:00 pm, Madison Senior Center, 330 W. Mifflin (next to the Overture parking ramp).

This year the Crones will take reservations. The Fabulous Crone Show 2008: Supercrones! is two hours including intermission.

Make reservations 608-225-9664 and arrive early to assure seating. Tickets are already going fast. The show is still free (donations requested $5-$20).

 

More info at www.croneshow.com

 

Come and support all of us Crones Living in the Edge of Madness.

 

**Cross posted at Living In the Edge of Madness

 

 

MIA/A Prisoner of War

In addition to my other numerous acquaintances, I have one more intimate confidant. My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known — no wonder, then, that I return the love.

Soren Kierkegaard (1813 - 1855)

I’ve been absent from this blog for quite awhile due to a variety of reasons/excuses. Amongst other things it was my PC going kerplunk again. One day shortly after Thanksgiving, I logged on and there was no internet connection log on and no way to create a new one without totally reinstalling the operating system.

Just in time to prevent me from placing my Christmas orders. sigh… It was obvious “the Gremlins” were back. Past experience with a situation such as this meant that even a re-installation wouldn’t even solve the problem so I didn’t even bother trying.

But never mind, the Senior Center has Internet Access and since I already knew what I wanted, it didn’t take long to get my order placed and paid for. neener, neener, neener! :^*~~~~ OK, that was childish but it felt good. ;^} Finding ways to work around the Gremlins gives me great pleasure. It’s like playing a game with naughty children.

Then one day I was bored so I decided to reload the operating system and see what happened. It worked. The PC is slow and weird things keep happening. I have to disconnect the internet connection every once in awhile because it just seems to get so clogged down I can’t use it and it just doesn’t function as well as it did before but at least I can get online and read at the the forums. Posting is iffy.

In the meanwhile I started sewing or crocheting while I was watching movies. (I love NetFlix!) More about that later) I made myself a dress and have a matching hat almost done. It’s sleeveless so I’ll needs something to wear over the top of it. The dress has a white background with red and purple flowers, green leaves and mustard butterflies with black accents so I have a lot of colors to choose from. Very retro 60s.

It’s long-below mid calf and an A-Line. It could be uses as a jumper with a blouse underneath and I might consider belting it with black if I wear a black shirt under it. I want to make to make a shrug jacket to wear with it since it’s sleeveless and there is no way I will wear a sleeveless dress even in the warmest weather since I’ll freeze or get a sunburn. I have some red knit and some lightweight mustard wool that matches. I’d love to get some purple. It would make for a very versatile outfit.

Then I started working on a flannel shirt and my sewing machine started acting up. The tension was all screwed up and for the life of me I could not get it fixed. Oh great… It turned out that the bobbin case had been unseated and the timing was off. Simple to fix if you know anything about sewing machines but how in hell did THAT happen? “The Gremlins” again? I don’t know but… Now I have to lock my machine up in the bedroom which is a PITA. <big heavy sigh…>

Then my TV remote disappeared. I’ve scoured the house for it. Turned everything upside down looking for it. There’s just me here to use it and I only sit in one chair when I watch TV. The remote usually gets put on the coffee table or maybe the TV. It’s just gone.

Then my DVD player went kerplunk—or so I thought. It’s an old DVD player handed down from my son-in-law to my son and now to me and half the functions don’t work so it didn’t surprise me it quit working. The problem was that there was a DVD from NetFlix stuck in there. So I had my son take a look at it to see if he could figure out a way to get it out when he came over to take me to get a new one. Lo and behold, the electrical cord in the back had been pulled partway out. I hadn’t moved the damn thing…

There’s more but I won’t bore you with it. Suffice it to say that it’s very tiresome and well, depressing. Things seemed to ramp up when I got Igor. Whenever I leave to take him for a walk, I wonder what will happen next. I worry when I leave him and Patches alone that someone will come in and try to hurt them.

Or maybe it’s been since I filed the restraining order against the suitor who wouldn’t take no for an answer. He hadn’t been on my list of suspects until that incident and the note but I’m still not sure he’s the one who wrote it. He said he didn’t but I wouldn’t cop to doing that either if I was him. Still, I don’t think he has the computer expertise to pull off what is happening with the PCs in this building.

Two more people have told me that they have viruses or trojans that they can’t get rid of with their regular anti-virus software. Damn but that sucks. It happens all too often in this building.

I’m depressed because somehow they managed to get past the $100.00 lock that was guaranteed to be pick proof. It wasn’t guaranteed to be pick pocket proof which is what I think happened. One day I took Igor out and when I came back I couldn’t find my keys. I retraced my steps but they were nowhere to be found so I came up to see if they were in the door just in case I had been foolish enough to do that.

I think my pocket got picked in the elevator but I’m not sure who did it. When I get another lock for this door I’ll have to wear the key around my neck like a precious jewel. <sheesh>

I found them in the lock on the bedroom door. That is not something I would EVER do, I unlock that lock, take off the hasp and relock the lock on the loop so that I have to have the keys in my hand to relock it. That’s to prevent me from locking the keys in the bedroom. But still I could have left them in the door and that pisses me off. I’m angry at myself because I wasn’t careful. If I had stopped to put on a pair of jeans so I could stick them in my jeans pocket rather than running around with them loose in my jacket pocket well… Jesus this sucks

If you are familiar with the movie Gaslight you might have some understanding of what has been happening to me for the past 4 years. FOUR years. I don’t exactly understand why although I have my suspicions. I’ve tried to catch them but everything I’ve tried, including hiding small cameras has failed. I’ve complained to the management and the police and even though they believe that there is something going on, they say there is nothing they can do until I have actually seen someone in my apartment. It’s so frustrating…

Sometimes I feel like a prisoner of war because this never lets up and I want to stay in the house to protect the things I have. And sometimes I get into that mindset and become very isolated. One of the reasons I got Igor was to force myself out of the house. I refuse to sit here paralyzed by fear that some poor sick sociopath is going to invade my space and mess with my stuff, I have to remind myself: IT’S JUST STUFF! ALL OF IT!

Sure there are memories attached to some of the things they have taken–my grandson’s pictures. But you know what? They can’t steal the memories I have of him at those ages. IT’S JUST STUFF! If it makes you feel important to take it, please, help yourself. IT’s JUST STUFF!

People who place so much priority on stuff that they’ll lose their perspective when it gets destroyed or stolen have fucked up priorities in my opinion. STUFF can be replaced or like the rose that got destroyed tonight. Big deal. It was a pretty rose. But I was just thinking the other day that it was getting old and scruffy looking. Time to toss that nasty old thing.

I haven’t given up and even though I get a little depressed sometimes—especially around Christmas which is always a hard time for me anyway. They are not going to win this war. Sometimes it’s hard to sort out how much of the depression belongs to the stress from dealing with “the Gremlins” and how much is just old shit. Sometimes “the Gremlins” trigger old shit.

I found a card at the Community Pharmacy that says “Your Mind Is Burglar-Proof.” I put it up on my bulletin board to remind myself that NO ONE can control how I think, feel, or react. “The Gremlins” whoever they are are probably just sick twisted people who need to do stupid shitty things to people in order to feel like THEY matter and have meaning. What a pity. If truth be known I feel sad for them. What horrible things happened to them that they feel like they need to do things like this to get even in life?

Still, I get depressed when I think I have managed to repel their invasion into my life and once again they foil all of my efforts. I feel helpless sometimes and then the depression takes over. Depression has been something of a fixture in my life. I can’t remember a time when I haven’t been at least a little depressed. Sometimes I retreat into it, that familiar dark place where I let life happen while I watch. Sometimes I trun away into the darkness and refuse to watch. I turn into the darkness and wait, hoping for an end to the pain–death or the light that eventually comes if I wait long enough for the pills to do their thing.

In general, any depression associated with the Gremlins is short-lived because I remember that that MY MIND IS BURGLAR-PROOF and what they are doing is mostly just irritating. Like mosquitoe or fly that keeps buzzing around your ear and won’t go away no matter how much you flap at it. If you ignore it it gets bored and goes off to find someone else to bug eventually.

B

`

 

 

Like a Hound Dog Mouth a Yappin’

You get that itchy twitchy feelin’
You start a rockin’ and a reelin’
Soon your arms and legs start flappin’
Like a hound dog mouth a yappin’
You’re a rockin’ and a rollin’  

Itchy Twitchy Feelings by Bobby Hendricks

I went to the chiropractor early this morning and then this afternoon I took a really long nap.  Now I am wide awake at one AM.    I really feel good after that adjustment but I should have forced myself to stay awake until a decent bedtime hour.  I probably slept four hours or more.  urgh…

This Dr Ablanalp at Life City is a damn good chiropractor.  He got his degree at Northwestern Chiropractic College.  He claims to have trained in the Gonstead Technique as well and knows the Cox brothers who I used to travel down to Mount Horeb to get adjustments from before they retired.  They were definitely worth the drive from Watertown.  The fact that he’s less than a block from home makes him a treasure indeed.  Plus he’s a really nice guy.

I particularly like the technique he uses to adjust the neck.  I’ve always had trouble relaxing when other doctors  do the traditional adjustment with the patient laying on their back.  Dr A’s table allows him to do the adjustment while you are face down and there is no twisting and turning.

I have an appointment with the rheumatologists at the University Hospital Clinics in December.  I suppose I should start keeping a symptom diary now so that they have an idea of what is going on with me.  That means I have to take my temperature every morning when I get up and then at lunch and dinner and bedtime.  What else?  I dunno…  I know there was something else I had to chart way back when. hmmm…

I’m slowly weaning myself off all the damn anti-convulsants I’m on.  I am only taking 100 mg of topamax and 25 mg of lamictal now.  The gabapentin is going to be the big chore to get off of.  I want to go on lithium during the interim until the rhematologist has a chance to have at me without all of these drugs masking whatever symptoms I’m having and the gabapentin and lithium are bad matches.  So I’m going to have to come off the gabapentin more quickly than I expected.  I’m down to 600mg from 1200mg  Not too bad.

I’m twitchy as hell.  Do I really want to know why I’m twitchy?  Frankly I don’t have a lot of confidence they will be able to tell me why but I have to keep an open mind about this.  Medicine has made great strides in the past 7 years.  Think human genome project.  Do this for the sake of the kids.  blah blah blah…

B

More Fun With DigiKam

I told MerlinsDad I would give him a demonstration of a photo manipulation program when he expressed surprise that I had used DigiKam to get a close-up look at the pictuer of the butterflies in the pictures he had sent me. So here we go…

Original Picture:

 

Right 1/4 cropped out and “zoomed in” on.

 

Original picture of Patches:

Patches “lightened up:”

 

Just a couple of the many things I can do with Xandros DigiKam. I’m sure most photo manipulation programs like Photoshop are similar and as easy to use.

 

B

 

 

DigiKam Fun

I’ve been having such a good time playing around with my new camera and the Xandros photo manipulation program digikam. This is way more fun that developing film and making your own black and white prints which I learend to do back in the late 70s. I mean that was fun but my lord it was expensive and fussy work.

With these digital cameras you don’t have to worry about how much film you have you can take as many shots of your subject as you like and not worry if you’re wasting film. Once you’ve got your shots downloaded onot the PC you can take them off the camera and fill that space up again. I’d say my digital camera has already paid for itself in those terms.

Not that I would have ever taken 150 pictures of my cat pre-digital camera but being able to is wonderful! Now I need to take a class so I can learn to do everything this caemra does. <heh>

Some of my best work:

My son, Daryn

My nephew, Gregory

(psst… Both of these boys are single and live in the Madison area. But don’t tell them I said so.)

 

 

My Gr-Dog, Po Sacajawea

(I like how these effects really pick up on the muscle tone of this dog.)

 

B

 

 

 

 

Farewell To Arms, Old Friend.

I hadn’t planned to write about death and dying again so soon but my neighbor down the hall just knocked on the door to let me know that my neighbor across the way has finally moved on. He’s been ill for as long as I have known him, as long as I have lived here at the three threes, and much longer with stomach cancer.

Safe journey John, we’ll miss you. I enjoyed your stories and I wish you could have told me more about working with the atomic bombs out in Los Almos. Imagine, he knew Oppenheimer! That was all he would say that he had met the man and something about some oath he took back in the 40s never to talk about what went on out there in that desert, other than the fact that the upper echelon scientists werent all that keen to fraternize with the worker bees. He was pretty impressed by the first atomic mushroom cloud he ever saw though.

I often wondered if a little prying wouldn’t have opened his mouth. More homemade blanc mange, perhaps. But I never pushed. He was such a sweet old soul. 87 this year. He told me once that he hadn’t ever expected to make it to retirement much less to this great age. He hadn’t ever married because he didn’t think it would be fair to marry someone when he might leave her a widow so soon and he couldn’t have children. What a pity that he denied himself companionship for so many years.

He leaves behind a great many friends who loved him dearly though. Students from the University who have participated in various programs over the years and of course everyone in the building who knew him. I’ll have to take his good friend Helena a card. She was going to strip his bed and was his sheets for him–tying up loose threads. The funeral is Friday. I’ll have to make it a point to go.

B

Still Grieving After All This Time…

When griping grief the heart doth wound,
and doleful dumps the mind opresses,
then music, with her silver sound,
with speedy help doth lend redress.

William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616)

I’m feeling really good these past few days in spite of some frickenfracken (I love these curse words that come from a children’s story!) pain. I feel emotionally grounded…happy in spite of some heavy duty grieving. It’s odd, really. But it’s a letting go I think or maybe just a recognition and acceptance of my love for Skip, embracing it really in a very public way. Whatever, it feels good.

I’m writing very well in my opinion and the opinion of some people I respect immensely in the community here. People who write song lyrics and get PAID to perform. The folks over at The Isthmus and Madison.com I really just feel so honored to be recognized and appreciated by all of them.

Here’s a poem that seemed to practically fall into my lap day before yesterday. Actually its Granny Rap. I’ve really made very few changes to it:

Still Grief

Grief because I can’t just drive
away from here, leave behind time
and drive away,away from here.
I’m thinking time
won’t take away my sorrow,
I’ll still be here wanting you again tomorrow…
I never expected to be in this world
without you there somewhere there
waiting there, somewhere there,
Somewhere there waiting there waiting there…

God I wish that YOU were there, still there
waiting there, still there waiting there for me
and I could find you there still waiting there.
or you could find me here, still waiting here ,
still waiting for you,still waiting here,
still here waiting here….

Grief, because when you left you left
me behind and you know that ain’t fair
‘Cuz I looked for you and you weren’t there
You weren’t there waiting there waiting where
You always were, you left me here, waiting here
You left me all alone in this bad old world
Still waiting here, here waiting here
and sometimes I feel just like a little girl.

God, I wish that YOU were there, still there
waiting there, still there waiting there for me
and I could find you there still waiting there.
or you could find me here, still waiting here ,
still waiting for you,still waiting here,
still here waiting here….

I never thought I’d end up here in this cold world
Waiting here without you waiting there somewhere
there waiting there waiting waiting there somewhere
God I wish that you were there, still there still there
somewhere waiting there waiting there
and I would find you waiting there, waiting anywhere
ore you would find me here still waiting here,
just waiting here for you here, waiting here.

God, I wish that YOU were there, still there
waiting there, still there waiting there for me
and I could find you there still waiting there.
or you could find me here, still waiting here ,
still waiting for you,still waiting here,
still here waiting here….

I never expected to be waiting here, here all alone
all alone on my own
all alone.

Barbara Gavin-Lewellyn

Where Is My Little Dog Now?/My boy, my girl, my pride and joy, bessings all

 

Oh where, oh where has my little dog gone
Oh where, oh where can he be
With his ears cut short and his tail cut long
Oh where, oh where can he be?

Disney?

I am in such an incredibly good mood. Every-thing’s going my way! The Isthmus is quoting me. My Blogs are cooking right along, I’m writing daily without a struggle, I am pretty sure I have found the Dog of my dreams and I am not in excruciating pain 24/7 just 12/3 and 1/2 <snort> Actually, I think I am just finding it easier to ignore the pain because I am engaged in the world and enjoying myself.

I’m this close >< to getting a dog. It’s a choice between a dachshund/beagle mix–a Dachsle and a Yorkshire Terrier/Chihuahua mix–Yorchi. I’m leaning heavily towards the Dachsle because he is cheaper, looks just like my dog when I was a teenager, is low maintenance, and is probably less spoiled than the Yorchi who sounds like a holy terror from the way his ‘Mom’ described him.

The Yorchi is cute as a button but he is four years old and has never been neutered so he’s full of piss and vinegar. It sounds as though he has been spoiled rotten and needs some serious obedience training. I could DO that but do I WANT to? ummm NOT if I don’t HAVE to. There is also the cost. He will cost twice as much as the Dachsle who comes with a kennel and all of his toys and stuff.

I really like the Yorchi’s ‘Mom’ who is my son’s co-worker. And I think I will feel bad if I say no because she really really wants me to take this dog because she has such a high opinion of my son that she thinks *I* would be a great ‘Mom’ for her baby sight unseen. That is so flattering and I am so proud of my son for being such a nice guy that people think *I* must have been a great mother. That is so cool but he deserves so much credit for making the right choices in life when he could have very easily taken the wrong path.

For all the care and heartache
Life has brought to me
One precious gift has made it all worthwhile
For heaven blessed and with great joy rewarded me
For I can look and see my own beloved son

My son, my son just do the best you can
Then in my heart I’m sure
You’ll face life like a man

My pride and joy
My life, my boy
My son, my son

Vera Lynn

The song quoted above is a little misleading since I have a daughter I am also immesely proud of. I have spoken of her before in this Blog. My children are indeed my pride and joy. I have trouble expressing that sometimes. Intellectually I know that what I am about to say is crazy thinking but it is always there in the back of my mind that if things are going too well for me and mine and I express my happiness and pride in my life it will somehow be destroyed.

I need to get over that fear big time because it is putting such a damper on my relationship with my children. I love them so much but showing that love has become so difficult, I am literally subconsciously afraid that *I* will destroy THEM. Maybe by saying these things out loud on this Blog I can dispel that fear. How much more public can I get?

Oh, BTW, Thanks Mom and Dad for installing this huge fear into my ego, id or super ego or WHATever. Lovely.

B

Muse-o-pause?

OK, rhetorical question here but why is it that the muse seems to go on strike periodically and then she comes back all refreshed and you can’t keep up with the ideas she is pouring into your head? Or is it just me and I’m getting manic? Because you know, if I’m getting manic, I should really rethink weaning myself off of my seizure medication.

Right? Right.

Damn but I hate it that I am more creative when I’m sick and that to stay healthy I have to kill the creative “genius” in me. (yeah right Barbara, grandiose much?)

I think I need to take my emotional temperature. Mood check:

Symptoms of Mania

1) Insomnia or brief periods of sleep check
2) Pressured speech hmmm..maybe
3) Increased physical activity not really (lazy)
4) Decreased appetite yeah, sorta but bring on the chocolates and mashed taters and I’m so there!
5) Grandiosity Oh hell yeah it’s a family trait! I carry it in my jeans.
6) Excessive and obsessive writing By whose standards?

Maybe it’s menopause FINALLY. I mean, three years ago they told me I was still ovulating and I was like OMIGAWD am I glad I had that hysterectomy in ‘96. Can you imagine having an “accident when you are 50effing2 years old? Holy hell.

I don’t believe in abortion. I mean, I believe in choice and all because it ain’t my right to decide another woman’s moral/ethical whatever you want to call it choices but me personally? Nope, I couldn’t. Not unless they told me the eventual child would be seriously deformed and would not have a decent quality of life. That would not include Downs syndrome.

Anyway the past few days I have been having what could be but I don’t really know for sure hot flashes. I mean it seems to me that someone who is generally cold unless it is right around 80* who suddenly gets so damn hot she is stripping down to bare nekkid in nano seconds and then in oh a half hour or so gets all shivery might be said to be having hot flashes but what the hell do I know? I’m taking a “What the hell? Oh well…we’ll wait this out and see what happens.” attitude

If this is what hot flashes are, they’re downright funny in private. I’ve been waiting a long time to be warm in my own skin in Wisconsin.  Its a pity I don’t have anyone around to enjoy these manic strip tease moments.

In public notsomuch.

B