The two symbols of the Republican Party: an elephant, and a big fat white guy who is threatened by change
Seth MacFarlane, The Family Guy
I have to come clean, admit my darkest secrets. I just can’t go on after plugging the BlogCatalog’s Blogging For Hope campaign and posting that self righteous post the other day.
I..I… well damnit I have to admit that I abuse Republicans every chance I get. My main modus operandi is to go to the Delphi Forums posing as an intellectual elite disguised as a redneck. I get them all comfy with me by using words of two syllables or less and then I say something like “The United State hegemony in the middle east is reprehensible.”
How do I get away with such disgusting behavior? How do I pull it off? Well, once upon a time, I <gasp, gasp. gasp> was one of THEM. Yes that’s right, friends and neighbors, I was a registered, dyed in the wool, redneck Republican. Bred to be born in the cradle of the Republican stronghold and spoon-fed Republican idiotology for 17 years.
I was a Republican because my Daddy told me I was one! He also told me a good wife votes exactly the way her husband votes so she doesn’t cancel out HIS vote. (!) My husband was a Republican for the exact same reason I was. <shudder>
So when I abuse Republicans I know just where to hit them the hardest. When I use those big words I know most of the Republicans I have exchanged posts with over at Delphi either don’t know how to use dictionaries or refuse to use them and throwing big words around when they thought you were just like them really gives them the willies.
Maybe they think I am cursing in French and there is nothing worse you can do to a right wing fundametalist conservative Republican than curse in French. . Unless you eat French fries in their presence when the French politicians publicly disagree with American foreign policy.
Well except for make fun of their revered leaders. You know, people like Rush Limbaugh and Anne Coulter who only speak the gospel truth except when they don’t. But that isn’t the really bad part, I make fun of Georgie Porgie and accuse him of playing in the puddin’ and pie although I don’t think he could kiss ONE SINGLE GIRL and make her cry. They’d all laugh until HE cried.
I often point out that Georgie pushed Humpty Dumpty off the wall for no damn good reason and he lied about it. Then all the wannabe king’s horses and all the wannabe king’s men couldn’t put Humpty back together again so even THEY retreated from the limelight so there stands Georgie with egg on his face.
And Mary Mary quite contrary can’t get her garden to grow so I’m taking even money bets that Georgie will be out on his duff when he’s done playing Pinnochio. But the good news is they’ll be able to saw off his nose and use it as a teacher’s pointer and rod for sparing no child lest they be left behind.
It’s true, I do abuse Republicans about all of these things but most of all I abuse them because they haven’t got the sense to understand they are being lied to or they do have and they tell the same damn lies, pretend they believe them and drive us all crazy juggling the truth, the lies, and the propaganda..
I’m a bad person. I don’t intend to change.
God in heaven that ain’t bless America the land of the brave and the home of the free. Ain’t free speech wonderful?
B
